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Post by tank on Sept 29, 2011 19:42:42 GMT -5
I just need to vent for a second. I called my grandparents yesterday (yes, I had to call them for MY birthday.) I hardly talk to them anymore and have actually talked to them less since being pregnant which really sucks because I am now having this desire to get closer to my family. They all live in new england and I now live in NC. So anyway I hardly talk to my GPs and first they ask me how much weight I have gained in my pregnancy because I must be unhealthy because I am vegetarian. Then my grandfather had a long stern talking to with me about how my dog (Lucy) is going to attack and kill our baby because she is a bully breed dog. And of course because Jake is a different breed (pit bull mixed with Blue heeler most likely) he will be just fine but I should watch out for Lucy because she will "turn."
I am just so upset right now. I know this opinion is popular among uneducated people. It is just different to me now that I am having a child and want to talk to my family about all the good things about my pregnancy and wishes and plans for our baby. All they want to talk about is how my dog (who LOVES babies and kids btw) is going to be a cold blooded killer and will kill our child. I am not exagerating btw. He literally said that she WILL kill our baby.
I don't even know how to respond to it with my own family, especially since they are elderly and very stuck in their ways. I told them to ease their mind a bit that I would never leave ANY dog alone with the baby or any animal or any stranger for that matter. I don't know if that was the right responce. I just needed to say something and that is all I could come up with.
When my dad pulled that bs I just told him dog bite facts and the fact that he has a lab and I personally have been attacked and bitten by multiple labs really proved my point to him. I was actually able to explain why to him that dog bites happen and why certain breeds would on purpose or on accident bite a human and have an intellegent conversation about it. But with my GPs it is different I think. They can't handle change in thought lol.
I know I shouldn't take this stuff personally but I still do a little bit. Anyone have to deal with stuff like this from elders or have any advice?
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Post by suziriot on Sept 29, 2011 20:07:12 GMT -5
OMG I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this bs from your own family. My parents don't really have a problem with me having pit bulls or even with me being vegan. They just always forget that I don't eat meat, LOL! But we do have veeeeeery different lifestyle and political opinions. My parents are both older than those of most of my peers.... my dad is actually old enough to be my grandfather, LOL! So I know what it's like to deal with stubborn people who are very set in their ways. As far as your grandparents, I don't think anything you say is going to change their minds. Maybe just remind them that you are a responsible adult and would never endanger your child. Tell them that you would be happy to share with them the research and evidence that show a) being vegetarian does not risk the health of your baby and b) pit bulls are not more likely than other breeds of dog to attack children, and besides you would never leave your child unsupervised with any dog. If they don't want to hear the facts, then tell them that there's no point to discussing it further and change the subject. It might not work, but that's all I can think of LOL!  |
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Post by loverocksalot on Sept 30, 2011 6:15:42 GMT -5
Wow and my thread of therapy and pit bulls I talked about how hurt I am that a stranger does not trust pit bulls. I would have a hard time with this too. If my grandparents or parents said those things to me, I dont know how I would be. I really like what Suzi suggested. Unfortunately though there have been articles showing that Pit bulls do attack more than other breeds. My dad was telling me about one of those articles. However he was telling me that the statistics used are not proof. We know why, because there are more "pit bulls" reported attacking that are not necessarily pit bulls. Among other factors. So be ready for that. Suzi-do you know of a link that proves that the breed does not bite any more than others using reasonable data?
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Post by loverocksalot on Sept 30, 2011 6:24:29 GMT -5
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Post by loverocksalot on Sept 30, 2011 6:33:47 GMT -5
This is off of CDC website. Now if you look at the statistics link you can guess what breed is at top of list. but disclaimer sure explains it. www.cdc.gov/HomeandRecreationalSafety/Dog-Bites/dogbite-factsheet.html A CDC study on fatal dog bites lists the breeds involved in fatal attacks over 20 years (Breeds of dogs involved in fatal human attacks in the United States between 1979 and 1998 Adobe PDF file). It does not identify specific breeds that are most likely to bite or kill, and thus is not appropriate for policy-making decisions related to the topic. Each year, 4.7 million Americans are bitten by dogs. These bites result in approximately 16 fatalities; about 0.0002 percent of the total number of people bitten. These relatively few fatalities offer the only available information about breeds involved in dog bites. There is currently no accurate way to identify the number of dogs of a particular breed, and consequently no measure to determine which breeds are more likely to bite or kill. |
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Post by suziriot on Sept 30, 2011 9:20:37 GMT -5
Carolann, my most recent info was from the National Canine Research Council. I can't find the link right now, but I have some info on my home computer.
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Post by tank on Sept 30, 2011 17:24:39 GMT -5
All I know is I have been around a LOT of dogs in my lifetime and the ones who have bitten me seriously or attacked me have been a blue heeler, a lab, and a shih tzu. I have proabably been around just as many pit bulls or mixes as any other breed of dog and I have never even been snapped at or growled at by one or seen one go after anyone else. Actually that is a lie. My friends dog who is a pit bull mix possibly tries to bite me when I do his nails but I don't count that because most dogs try and bite when you do their nails.
I don't really like statistics. Think of how many dog bites happen blamed on pit bulls and you see the pic of the dog and it doesn't look like it has an ounce of pit bull in it. Not like I think statistics will win my GPs over or anything anyway.
I know there really isn't anything I can say to them and that they will just have whatever opinion they want to anyway. That is what really sucks. About the vegan thing. I even told them that I got my vitamin levels checked and they were above where an average pregnant persons is and I am completely happy and my midwives are happy with my diet/ That was countered with that it won't be healthy when I am breastfeeding. What?!? Luckily my parents and most of my other family members are pretty supportive of my diet and lifestyle by now since I have proven to them that I can live like this and I am really healthy.
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Post by fureverywhere on Sept 30, 2011 18:35:18 GMT -5
From the perspective of being uh hem...well almost elderly and having a Dad who sounds like your Grandpa...do not take it personally first and foremost. My son doesn't talk to his grandfather for the same reasons...rant,rant rave,rave...it gets to me too. But after working in a nursing home and getting older myself I developed more patience. People do get old and set in their ways, and they're products of their background.
When my Dad is telling me Pookins will eat us all in our sleep it's not because he knows Pookins...or even knows anything about dogs, he never had one. What he's talking about is the junkyard dogs that terrorized him as a kid. No amount of advocacy information is gonna change that. And that's okay...he's almost one hundred years old...does it matter really in the scope of life?
As seniors we do get crotchety, they'll probably have alot of child raising advice too. And thats okay. Grandmas and Grandpas are important and wonderful. Listen to them politely and when they get carried away get off the phone for a spell. You too might be blessed to grow elderly someday and you'll want the youngins to be there letting you talk too
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Post by fureverywhere on Sept 30, 2011 21:18:06 GMT -5
Oh and words of wisdom from my mother-in-law. rest her crunchy old soul...she and I didn't get along about ANYTHING in her lifetime. But something she told me that stayed with me. When I was pregnant she pulled me aside one day and said " Now when this baby is born, I'm gonna give you advice, everybody is going to give you advice, the important thing is you do what you feel is right and everybody can %#$^ themselves". She was the classic Italian mother in law...never mince words...but she knew what she was talking about and I appreciated her saying that.
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Post by loverocksalot on Oct 1, 2011 8:43:14 GMT -5
Suzi- Thank you so much for mentioning National Canine Research. I will be using that for my up coming program. Now I will be able to offer free copies of The Pit Bull Placebo and The Relevance of breed selecting a companion dog. Awesome stuff on their site including a write up on Responsible pet ownership communities which is the main thing I want to get across.
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susan
I Love RPBF!
my little angel halo
Posts: 370
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Post by susan on Oct 1, 2011 8:49:18 GMT -5
SORRY GRAMPS BUT MY DAUGHTER N LAW IS VEGATAIRN N JUST DELEIVERED A BABY 1 OUNCE SHY OF 9 LBS. JUST SAYING
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Post by suziriot on Oct 1, 2011 12:40:37 GMT -5
SORRY GRAMPS BUT MY DAUGHTER N LAW IS VEGATAIRN N JUST DELEIVERED A BABY 1 OUNCE SHY OF 9 LBS. JUST SAYING LOL! Obviously babies don't need their mamas to be eating big fat steaks to be born big healthy babies.  |
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Post by emilys on Oct 1, 2011 19:25:49 GMT -5
it's just like any other topic of family disagreement. Either you say "this isn't a good topic; let's change the subject". Or, if the family LIKES to argue as recreation, then GO FOR IT! lol
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Post by tank on Oct 2, 2011 11:54:25 GMT -5
I don't think my family LIKES to argue. I think they are old and bored and like causing drama for something to do. Not like this caused drama unfortunatly for them but it certainly gave them something else to talk about other than their own lives.
Like I said before I am just disappointed. All I have ever wanted was support. Telling me my dog is going to kill my child is not support. Maybe that is what I should tell them.
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Post by emilys on Oct 2, 2011 18:08:21 GMT -5
I don't think my family LIKES to argue. I think they are old and bored and like causing drama for something to do. Not like this caused drama unfortunatly for them but it certainly gave them something else to talk about other than their own lives. Like I said before I am just disappointed. All I have ever wanted was support. Telling me my dog is going to kill my child is not support. Maybe that is what I should tell them. well, there you go... if what they're doing is trying to cause drama for THEIR entertainment and their entertainment involves hurting you (or at least pushing buttons) the best thing you can do for yourself is just refuse to engage. I would really encourage you to say no more than "what you are saying is hurtfull and not supportive". And then refuse to discuss it any more. If they insist on pursuing it, just leave the room (if you can) |
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Post by fureverywhere on Oct 2, 2011 21:24:19 GMT -5
I don't know if it helps but sometimes I'll just cheerily waaay change the subject and even if my Dad starts with "There you go not wanting to talk about...", nope,nope I don't. Next.
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Post by scoutsmom on Nov 8, 2011 13:30:59 GMT -5
We dealt with this a lot with Scout when we first got her. My parents told me she was definitely going to kill our cat. My brother didn't want her near his dogs. My cousin told me that we would not be allowed to see our godchildren. A close friend told us that they would never bring their kids to our house again. It goes on and on. I believe the best way to change opinions is to properly train your dog so that it can act as an advocate for the breed. Now that they have gotten to know Scout, all of the above LOVE her! The only one who has not come around is my grandfather - who will pet Scout outside when she's on her leash - but doesn't trust her when she's off leash.
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Post by desertdoll on Nov 8, 2011 17:38:15 GMT -5
I could get a chihuahua and my bfs mom would freak out. So I say maybe I should come home with a few mastiffs, pits and rotties and maybe she'll never step foot in my house.
Not likely.. but I can dream right?
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Post by johnr on Nov 8, 2011 19:09:59 GMT -5
My brothers are both very proud of their left-of-liberal political sentiments and intelligence and education and both are flaming idiot breed bigots when it comes to Pit Bulls. I've actually made a game of tweaking their noses every time I write them on civil rights matters we agree on, bringing up the Pit Bull analogy constantly. It can be fun!
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Post by RealPitBull on Nov 9, 2011 8:56:38 GMT -5
We dealt with this a lot with Scout when we first got her. My parents told me she was definitely going to kill our cat. My brother didn't want her near his dogs. My cousin told me that we would not be allowed to see our godchildren. A close friend told us that they would never bring their kids to our house again. It goes on and on. I believe the best way to change opinions is to properly train your dog so that it can act as an advocate for the breed. Now that they have gotten to know Scout, all of the above LOVE her! The only one who has not come around is my grandfather - who will pet Scout outside when she's on her leash - but doesn't trust her when she's off leash. Yep, best way is through example and letting the dogs convert people on their own. My grandfather was the most outspoken in his objections when I got my first Pit Bull. He ended up loving my dogs. BUT - and I've said this before - he still thinks I somehow managed to find the only nonaggressive Pit Bulls on the planet.  And to this day, he loves to point out Pit Bull attacks in the news. Oh well. |
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I look forward to learning much here