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Post by fureverywhere on Jan 18, 2012 16:05:58 GMT -5
Suggestions anyone???? I can be way too nice on the outside and not so nice on the inside as we all are at times. There's this young guy at work who asked me for a ride home several months ago. I got in the habit if we worked the same nights I'd give him a ride. He doesn't have a car. Guess friends pick him up or he takes a bus otherwise, it's off the main bus line so that must be a challenge... Anyway, its been a few months and he lives on the Newark border, kind of waaay outta the way plus it was icy the other night. Mostly it's the weather change. If my car slides even slightly...I panic, much beyond that and I creep home or consider walking. I'm gonna have hubby drive on the scarier nights. But obviously no matter who drives or which roads we take, Livingston to South Orange even, is nerve wracking in ice and guess I feel Shaggy is taking advantage of my being nice. How do I say-" Son, I don't mind helping you out sometimes but you have to find your own way back too...he does it when I'm not working ya know? I still have to work with him so some way to be polite yet...suggestions???
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Post by emilys on Jan 18, 2012 16:28:09 GMT -5
Suggestions anyone???? I can be way too nice on the outside and not so nice on the inside as we all are at times. There's this young guy at work who asked me for a ride home several months ago. I got in the habit if we worked the same nights I'd give him a ride. He doesn't have a car. Guess friends pick him up or he takes a bus otherwise, it's off the main bus line so that must be a challenge... Anyway, its been a few months and he lives on the Newark border, kind of waaay outta the way plus it was icy the other night. Mostly it's the weather change. If my car slides even slightly...I panic, much beyond that and I creep home or consider walking. I'm gonna have hubby drive on the scarier nights. But obviously no matter who drives or which roads we take, Livingston to South Orange even, is nerve wracking in ice and guess I feel Shaggy is taking advantage of my being nice. How do I say-" Son, I don't mind helping you out sometimes but you have to find your own way back too...he does it when I'm not working ya know? I still have to work with him so some way to be polite yet...suggestions??? simply: "Shaggy, I'm glad I was able to help you out by driving you to work, but I can't do it anymore. " (maybe offer to make "x" the last day, to give him the chance to find alternatives.. but in the end, his transportation is not your problem to solve) You don't owe him any explanations and it's best not to get sucked into an explanation, or he'll talk you into doing it anyway. Ann Landers always said the best way to say no is just to say "no". And if people ask you why, the answer is smile and "sorry, I just can't do it". rinse, repeat. Because if you say, "it's because I'm scared to drive on the ice", he'll say "ok, then just when it's not icy" or "well your husband is driving you anyway, then I can come along, right?" You are not obligated to make his problems your problems. Great if you want to help, but helping in the past doesn't commit you to a lifetime of helping.
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Post by johnr on Jan 18, 2012 18:06:49 GMT -5
What Emily said!
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Post by RealPitBull on Jan 19, 2012 8:46:28 GMT -5
TOTALLY agree with Emily. Good advice. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter WHY and is not your obligation to tell him.
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